We're doing well though, all of us, including little Baby H2. Getting down to the wire now! The baby's room is done and officially ready (I finished this morning!).
We had an ultrasound on Friday to check out the amniotic fluid levels. During my pregnancy with Luke, I had low fluid levels at this time, so they are keeping close tabs to make sure it doesn't happen again. So far, everything is fine. They also measured the baby's size. Sometime during last week, I think the baby dropped. All of a sudden, I didn't feel like my belly was quite as big as it had been. Even Luke noticed. When I went to pick him up from school one day, he looked at me and said "Mommy, the baby is so much shorter!", which is his way of saying that he could tell the baby looked smaller. So when we went for the ultrasound, I thought for sure they were going to say the baby was measuring small. But it wasn't. The measurements indicated 6 lb 13 oz already! I know those are notoriously off the mark, but still. The baby's head is way down, too.
So things are going well. Its still really hard for me to believe we will have a new baby SOON! I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop for 8 months now. I'm still not convinced it won't. I thought for sure I'd have low fluid levels by now. And if that didn't happen, I thought for sure I would have IUGR, which is when the baby's growth is restricted in utero. I know that all sounds ridiculous. But there it is. Sometimes you really can know too much.
I read a really good article recently about couples that suffer from infertility and then conceive a baby naturally. Its a long article, but the ending sums everything up better than I could in my own words:
Though she and her husband are “over the moon” and “beyond excited” about the prospect of having another baby, that joy is tempered by the fear that her body will fail her, as well as the guilt she feels about being able to have a second baby naturally when so many women cannot.
As an alum of the IVF world, her feelings about pregnancy — natural or otherwise — are defined by the turmoil of the process. “I just wanted to have a pregnancy I could enjoy, a normal pregnancy where I wasn’t scared all the time,” Kari said. “This was supposed to be that pregnancy for me, but it hasn’t been. I’m still in complete shock and disbelief that this is really happening.”
Yes, there is most certainly excitement, fear, and definitely guilt. I've been trying to enjoy and relish this unexpected pregnancy, at least as much as a former infertile can. One would think I would be shouting from the rooftops with joy, but the truth is that I feel like that would surely jinx the whole thing. So I really don't like when people (mostly those that I don't know very well) ask me about my pregnancy. It makes me uncomfortable. Like I kind of want to hide. As if the fates would be tempted. We've almost made it to the end, but the last few miles of the marathon are the hardest.
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